Sunday, January 28, 2007
saw wan yi's nick.
我想听的话你却给了她，让我一个人挣扎。
sad.
take me with you
9:41 PM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
yet another week has passed. we finally had our very first discussion for our assignment. not much progress until we start work on monday. it really reminds me of project work back in j1. and apparently only our class has to do notes of meeting. zzzz. sm, wc and i skipped the ipc lecture on wed. and now we're so lost. why does it have to happen on my virgin attempt to skip lectures?! hahaha i'm serious!
met up with wj last night. i've never seen anyone that depressed before, questioning the purpose of life. he seems to have given up on life, on happiness and on himself. for once i was speechless. i wasn't able to say things which could convince even myself.
please. don't let him be this way for long.just completed watching
one litre of tears. it's a remarkable show. or rather, because it's based on a true story, the girl is someone we ought to learn from. though she's no longer around, her story and words have been encouraging and enlightening people for the past 29 years. ah maybe i should send wj this show.
it's gonna be a hectic week ahead. finally meeting ashton on monday. he's addicted to nicholas sparks' books :) and he's off to india for training for 2 weeks. hopefully he'll return safe and sound.
it's not that i want things to be the way it is now. i honestly don't wish to be how i am to him now. i know i ought to make things explicit to him. but how?
it's sad to know that the person who can make you smile is the same person who's hurting you.
it's sad to know that things would never be possible yet a part of you still hopes that it is.
it's sad to know that the person whom you don't ever wanna forget is someone you have to forget.
it's sad to know that the person has already moved on but here you are holding on to the past.
it's sad to know that you were once part of the person's life but that person's treating you so coldly now.
it's sad to know that behind every smile of yours lies a heart so scarred, so broken.
i'm really sorry for all the pain.
take me with you
11:16 PM
Everyone feels pain.
But surely, after suffering satisfaction will arrive.
Even with sports, studies or other ordeals,
With life, it's like that for everyone.
If we can beat the pain on the other side,
A rainbow of happiness awaits us.
That will definitely become a treasure.
Lets believe in that.
take me with you
1:19 PM
In the middle of the changing season,
I casually feel how long the day is.
In the midst of restless busy days,
You and i paint our dreams.
Place our love on the winds of March.
A cherry blossom sprout will move on into spring.
Little specs of oveflowing light,
Warm up the morning little by little,
By your side when you're embarrassed.
After a big yawn,
Standing at the entrance to a new world,
What i noticed was that i wasn't alone.
By closing my eyes,
The you whom i see behind my eyelids,
Has somehow helped me become stronger, right?
I too want to be like that for you.
By closing my eyes,
The you whom i see behind my eyelids,
Has somehow helped me become stronger, right?
I too want to be like that for you.
take me with you
1:17 PM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
i've never expected this, that it'll happen to anyone in my family. all the shit that mum and aunt have to go through. and the shit that his son has to put up with. seriously, just what on earth was he thinking of? and now, it has finally come to an end.
everything.
take me with you
3:32 PM
Saturday, January 20, 2007
gosh i'm really exhausted man. met up with juelz again after class yesterday and we hung out till this morning. he's someone i could really talk to, as though i've known him for years. in a way, he's like a big brother. it's fun being with him because we talk non stop! haha. we go on and on from lame, crappy and hilarious talks to serious talks like past relationships or just simply talking bout ourselves - our views, opinions, perspectives and all. he makes a great buddy, a great brother but not so a great boyfriend. i guess sometimes thats how things are.
and
no i don't think i'll
ever fall for him haha. maybe that's why i could be so comfortable with him because we both know where we stand. but being with him reminds me of many things from the past. and it suddenly occurred to me that i miss alot of things or rather,
feelings. like how i miss being missed by someone i love. how i miss being with someone i love. the intimacy
stopppp! i'm not referring to physical affections but more of the emotional intimacy, like how you bare your thoughts and feelings to this one person whom you really care about and vice versa. and how you share your happiness and sorrows with this
one special person.
but well, when there's the sweet part there's always the pain. like the risk of being two-timed, being neglected, in essence, getting hurt by the person you love. it's ironic how you could mean so much to this person and then nothing the next. well well... haha i'm at a loss for words now sorry.
then again, i guess there's a barrier in everyone of us no matter how confident we may seem to put across. in a nutshell, the barrier doesn't allow us to love
whole-heartedly. well maybe it's unknowingly that we set it up to protect ourselves but whatever the reason is, it's something unintentional, something uncontrollable. that's why i ponder sometimes at how people can get together with this person, break up, and get together with the next person within a short span of time. do they really love or even
like the 2? it's not easy to fall in love. getting attracted yes but love?!
how? haha
anyway i wonder if i've time to complete my tutorial by tomorrow. it's kinda sucky having all tutorials on monday which means you'd have to complete everything during the weekends. and weekends are meant for relaxing and enjoying! haha. oh freak i'm so tired. thankfully i don't have to be down for track relay tomorrow! because if i do, i've to reach ntu at 9am which is inane! anyway we don't even wanna win. i don't even give a damn if hall 8 is ranked last for interhall games '06-07. really man.
i'm off to catch my drama! hahah. screw the tutorials and assignments lar.
take me with you
10:56 PM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
oh man i'm so glad the week's ending. i really need the weekend but
god i've track training tomorrow. assignments, tutorials and
tonnes of essays and reflection writings and whatnots are piling up like nobody's freaking business (
yes i know it's mine) but wth man.
had a self-delared long break with the girls from my course in the midst of a lecture yesterday because
dammit it was frigging boring and totally incomprehensible. how the hell would i know how a laser works?! and there's this freaking 2 hour tutorial on
academic writing tomorrow at 830am and what's worst is the freaking topics we were given. apparently we are supposed to write
science essays like wth is that. the topics which were thrown to us? go figure.
ah yes whiney and grumpy as usual. met up with juelz this afternoon and he freaking brought along a dictionary which he intends to memorise every damn word and meaning. haha! sweet dude though but this mj senior's a real vulgar bugger. nice guy nonetheless.
and yes times like now.i wish it's more than that.i want more than that.but hell no.its almost like mission impossible.its fucked up in essence.but why the damn life?fucking screwed.
take me with you
8:58 PM
Friday, January 12, 2007
i'm in singapore right? i'm studying in a local uni right? but why does it seem as though i'm studying in beijing uni? i'm surrounded by china people! HELP!
take me with you
11:16 PM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
okay so it's almost the end of the first week since school started. it's been a pretty slack week but next week onwards it's gonna be hell. i guess most ntu students are annoyed with the freaking school system with regards to the allocation of electives. all i can say is, it sucks!
big time. so yes i've been ill for the past 1 week because the smart ass me thought i could get well just by popping some panadols but apparently i was wrong. so i finally dragged myself to the doctors today and i'm home now =)
after some fierce battling for electives, finally got myself effective interpersonal comm all thanks to wei chu. haha. the waiting list exceeds 1000 but there're only less than 200 places! heard it's a slack module. and am taking defence science which i heard is about the different roles the sciences play in military stuff. seems interesting but it would probably remind guys of their ns days haha. next up is THE ART OF ACADEMIC WRITING. sounds chim right but basically it's like the freaking gp! 4 assignments! grrr. gotta write essays and all. wth right. the rest are math modules once again. zzz.
how i wish you were here right now.
take me with you
8:57 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
here am i feel groggy from the fever so hopefully everything that's gonna be written would appear coherent.
ahhh it's not exactly fun nursing a fever and bad throat when school starts tomorrow... or rather tuesday for me cuz i don't have any lectures tomorrow.
had a carwashing event today and i'm simply awed at the generosity of certain residences of 6th avenue. then again they're some
richy rich people so such money spent is considered peanuts to them. firstly there's this auntie who was so nice. initially she wanted to
donate $10 cuz her car doesnt need any washing. then she changed her mind and said she would pay us $50 for some gardening and cleaning of walls. sounds simple
righttttt but she had close to 20 pots of plants! haha. so anyway she topped up another $10 cuz she realised there were 6 of us. before we left, she gave us $20 for lunch along with 2 bags of drinks, fruits and a box of chocolates. damn nice
hor.then there was this man who has 4 cars and owes 2 houses, he just gave us $100 without us having to do anything! ahaha the other group was like so
suay unlike us who were seriously damn lucky!
there two kinds of people whom i really... don't quite understand. firstly its people who are
always late. and it's not as if they're caught up with serious business but because of trivial stuff like sleeping in and all. well okay it happens sometimes for most of us but
c'mon being late for 6 hours?! i mean it's okay to be late but you should at least have some decency to you know... make an effort to reach your destination as soon as possible? there should at least have some urgency
lah.all right the second group of people are... well i don't know. it's like... they offered to help you. yet they say
repeatedly later on that they don't have to help you or they make it absolutely clear that because they've chosen to help you, they now have to face this burden
(or whatever you call it). and it just doesnt stop there. they rant
on and on bout wanting to take back their words on helping you. well honestly, what are they driving at?! i mean if they want to be appreciated for offering help of course i am. but if they want to remind me that i owe them a favour or to make known just how awesome they're
, pleaseeeeee lar i'd rather reject the offer. i mean, you help because you want to. but going on and on to make me feel guilty about me accepting help from a
oh-so-helpful person? please save it dude. honestly, what are these people thinking? someone enlighten me please.
okay i needa rest. bitched to much haha. nights
take me with you
8:12 PM
Friday, January 05, 2007
take me with you
11:47 PM
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
Erase all the pain till it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
take me with you
1:40 AM
Monday, January 01, 2007
so the new year's here once again! the group of us were supposed to see the fireworks at the esplanade but because of the on and off drizzles we headed to mos. it was rather impromptu and annoying because there were close to 20 of us all scattered around and it wasnt easy contacting each other because of the disfunctioning of the phone lines. i'd to call roland almost 10 times before i could get him. and of course it took us damn long to decide where we were heading to.
anyway mos was jam-packed. we could hardly move yet people continued pushing their ways through and it was
oh-my-god. it didnt help when my feets which were killing me because of the heels got stepped so many times.
ughhhhh. we finally left bout 4 plus because i was practically walking at 1km/h even though jy offered to carry me. zzz. and the finale occurred when i was walking down a flight of stairs at eunos mrt station. before i knew it i was falling forward down 4 steps. total embarrassment! haha.
and the irony bout last night or rather this morning was, people were fighting and all when it was supposed to be the start of a
happy new year. oh well. and i'm so sorry for not being able to make it for 04s307's class gathering today because i woke up at 5+ pm when we were supposed to meet at 4pm. and my legs are hurting from the hilarious fall which resulted in a huge bruise starting from my knee to the ankle with 2 humps altogether. haha.
so that sums up my new year's eve =)
okay time for some 2006 reflections. it's gonne be a long entry. haha.
2006 has been a rather havoc year i'd say. the first half was awesome because i was
out of school. then again it wasnt totally because i realised i loathe the working world. and yes not forgetting times when i was terribly upset and melancholic because of some people. but thankfully these hogwash had come to an end. entering
ntu really took a toll in my life because after being in a familiar school system for 12 years, it hit me real hard that spoon-feeding isn't gonna carry on for life and that it's bout time we grow up and depend solely on ourselves. because ultimately we're responsible for our own actions and decisions. life is definitely different presently with hall life and all. well although study still sucks as usual and there were times when i broke down a few times mentally due to the unbearable stress, i suppose it's something we've got to cherish because in 3yrs odd we'd be out there in the working force with no turning backs. its not like doing part time jobs anymore where we could just pack up and say byebye whenever we're unhappy. so yup despite the hectic involvement in uni its been a rather fruitful stay =)
another thing that surprised me was when i started knowing friends particularly guys of course who're done with their ns. their views and preceptions are on total contrary from those who haven't done theirs or rather i should say, deviant? its like they'll say things like planning for the near future, doing reflections and all. which i think ultimately, it isn't a bad thing. its a good thing that guys have to do ns because they really do mature thereafter =)
and yes after last night's unpleasant experience i'm positive it's most probably a house party for the following year's new year's eve. oh yes 2007 is the year we finally hit the big 2.
ahhhhhh. its scary how time flies. i can't believe i won't be a teen in a year's time.
happy new year and may all be blessed with a great 2007 :D
take me with you
10:05 PM
